Once, Cardinal Newman was asked about his deep spiritual life. The question was this: how is it possible that a person who was not Catholic was able to reach such a high supernatural life? Cardinal Newman simply said: “I have never sinned against the light.”
The Jews who persecuted Jesus, and those who were going to persecute the apostles as Jesus prophesized, have a disordered affection toward the zeal of God. Thus, St. Augustine says “having a zeal for God but not according to wisdom.” It was a disordered zeal because it was not according to wisdom.
Following Cardinal Newman’s words, those people sinned against the light. It is against the light when we do not follow the light but rather our passions. Therefore, we allow the attention of the intelligence to be concentrated on a passion and we judge as good something that is not good. St. Thomas Aquinas says: “man, through being disposed in such and such a way by a passion, judges something to be fitting and good, which he would not judge thus were it not for the passion” (I-II, 10,3).
When this happens, the person has the tendency to justify his disordered actions and his disordered affection to that object, particularly when the object is good. It is important to understand that the object could be good, as for example “the zeal of God,” however because we love that good thing in a wrong way, our love is not good, although the object is good.
It is very important to work on this defect that in terms of spirituality is usually called: “own judgement.” Saint Ignatius of Loyola says that those who follow their own judgement walk on an uncertain and dangerous road.
In order to fight against this defect, St. John of Ávila recommends self-renunciation particularly regarding our will: renouncing our will or renouncing something that we want to do. Also it is important to discern God’s Will, since own judgement is something that very easily deceives us and it is hard to know if it is my will or God’s Will. It is important to ask for advice regarding God’s Will from a person who is spiritually wise.
