Not long ago, in an interview on the subject of dialogue, a woman said: “Dialogue is good; nowadays, what’s missing is dialogue.” Shortly after, when asked another question by her interviewer, she added: “I have to confess that the one I have the best dialogue with is my little dog.”
This brief exchange illustrates a problem that many of us often have, and one that is growing worse by the day: people don’t know how to engage in dialogue. The fundamental reason for this is that we do not know how to listen. We want to speak and to be heard. It is precisely because of this that the woman can say that her best dialogue is with her dog, because the dog does not talk; it only listens. What is worse—though from this woman’s perspective, it is the “best”—is that the dog will never contradict her. In other words, when she talks to her dog, she will always be right.
The root of this problem goes much deeper than simply not wanting to hear opposing opinions—which is already a big issue in itself. Rather, it reveals a deeper spiritual problem, a consequence of original sin: being closed in on oneself or being self-centered.
This attitude has consequences both in society and in our relationship with God. In society, it makes people increasingly selfish and less caring. In order to be supportive of others, we must care about our neighbor and his needs, which is difficult if we are focused only on ourselves and our own needs. The more self-centered we are, the less we care for others.
It also affects my personal relationship with God. To have an authentic relationship with God, we must know how to speak with Him—and in order to speak with God, we must also know how to listen to Him. Yet if we cannot even listen to our neighbor, who speaks to us with words that we can hear with our ears, how much harder will it be to listen to God, who speaks silently within our hearts?
To have a personal relationship with God, we must not be centered on ourselves but open to God and His will—or, better yet, we must center ourselves on God and stop focusing on ourselves. In fact, St. Thomas Aquinas, speaking about the spirituality of the Virgin Mary, says that She had “her mind gathered in the One Alone” (S. Th., III, 27, 3 ad 3). That is, the center of her soul was God, which is why she was able to listen to Him and perfectly fulfill His will.
